Feeling 'Enough' in the World of Pageantry

Pageants are no joke when it comes to the mental game. Everyone talks about the glam, the gowns, literally never knowing where you’ve put that one dress because you swear it was in the closet like two weeks ago — but what people don’t see is the mental marathon happening behind the stage lights.

In pageantry, you're not really competing against other girls. Not truly. As my Mother always told me, you're competing against the person in the mirror — and the goal is just to be better than you were yesterday. The problem? There’s no exact science to this. It's completely subjective. And progress? Yeah, it’s not linear.

Here's where my mental game comes in- I'm not very confident I'm 'enough' (yes, dear reader, I DO see the irony here)- but that's why I started ‘You Are Enough’- every moment I stand in an interview, or on a stage, or in a crown and sash, I'm constantly questioning- Do I have a right to be here? am I smart enough, pretty enough, elegant enough- am I enough? Even if I know I can speak well, or I know I can perform with confidence, there’s still that quiet doubt gnawing at me. And it never really goes away- I just learned to be confident despite it. 

As I’ve said, pageantry is you versus the person in the mirror- that’s why it can be so frustrating to have a bad day, to leave at the end of the night knowing you could have done better. Maybe I messed up a step in fitness. Maybe I gave an answer in interview that still haunts me in the shower. Maybe I blanked in an on-stage question and smiled through the mental static. And even when I know I’m capable, those mistakes can feel massive. Crushing, even. But they’re part of the process. You’ll have good days, you’ll have bad ones. You might even regress. That’s okay. The work isn’t in being perfect- it’s in getting back up. Rehearsing again. Reaffirming that you do belong here, even when that voice in your head tries to tell you otherwise.

Even on the days where I feel confident, my calendar certainly does not- If you’re a student, have a job- or, like me, do both- fitting pageantry into your life can feel like a stress inducing version of Tetris where every new shape that falls has like 60 sides, and somehow they’re all supposed to fit together perfectly. Basically, it’s a lot. One moment, I’m waking up at 3 P.M from a late gaming session, the next I’m calling four different people and having a slight, still-half-asleep mental breakdown because there was a form I somehow missed doing paperwork. Doing a mock interview in a hotel room the day before my birthday, trying on gowns while handling body dysmorphia, or doing homework late at night so I can attend an appearance the next day- sometimes, it feels like I’m keeping everything together with duct tape and happy thoughts. Balancing all of that with a hobby that demands the best of you- mentally, emotionally, physically- isn’t easy. It takes discipline, grit, caffeine, and at least one minor breakdown per week. And yet... I keep showing up.

Here’s the crazy part- Despite everything- the pressure, the panic, the nights I cry into my makeup wipes — I still love this crazy thing I do. Because pageantry, at its heart, is about growth. It’s about showing up, even when your confidence is shaky. It’s about becoming the version of yourself that younger you would be so proud of. It’s about using your voice for something that matters. Pageants have challenged me, but they’ve also shaped me. I’ve become more articulate, more grounded, more self-aware- and yeah, more confident. Not because I never doubt myself, but because I keep going even when I do.

So no, I’m not perfect. But I am passionate. I am committed. And I am still here.

Crown or not, that’s enough.